| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2008|01:59 am] |
Hi kids, what's new? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2006|12:23 am] |
Hey folks;
This journal will cease to be in the near future - I feel as though it's not a part of me any more. It's... I can't relate to it. There're times portrayed where I wasn't myself, and I dislike that intensely.
Those wishing to keep in touch in some form or other, let me know. I think I know most people here by some other means anyway, but this is a call nonetheless.
"It's been emotional."
Fin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|03:43 am] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  better | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Devin Townsend :: Pixillate | ] |
My, what a time it has been.
Roll the clocks back two months, and you have the collapse of the initial house-move plans at the last moment. Within weeks I'm drowning a medical relapse, probably due to my own stupidity in the first place, then the second house-move plan falls to pieces and there're mis-understandings all over the place.
Then, a night of revelations. All I shall say there is never discount your dreams, people. It's unnerving, what comes to pass.
Anyway. Yes. Better times just now, in my head at least. I still have nowhere to live and little in the way of health, but that all pales into insignificance for as long as there's care, truth and clarity.
Anathema's Temporary Peace means a lot. Yeah, yeah; I'm a big wuss, I know.
Deep inside the silence
Staring out upon the sea
The waves washing over
Half forgotten memories
Deep within the moment
Laughter floats upon the breeze
Rising and falling dying down within me
And I swear I never knew how it could be
And all this time all I had inside was what I couldn't see
I swear I never knew how it could be
All the waves washing over all that hurts inside of me
Beyond this beautiful horizon
Lies a dream for you and I
This tranquil scene is still unbroken by the rumors in the sky
But there's a storm closing in
Voices crying on the wind
This serenade is growing colder breaks my soul that tries to sing
And there's so many, many thoughts
When I try to go to sleep
But with you I start to feel a sort of temporary peace
There's a drift in and out
... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|11:26 am] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Less :: Lie Still | ] |
I think I was fairly close to having a heart attack earlier.
Troubling? Oh yes. Troubled? Definitely.
Less. You should all listen to Less. Less.com is your friend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|11:41 pm] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Bardo Pond :: Limerick | ] |
So, after a nightmare two days, I'm left feeling mostly weird. More questions than answers, at present.
I don't know what's happening with my failing health. This relapse is getting worse as time wears on, I need to get these blood tests sorted but I can barely make it around the fucking house, let alone get out to the hospital. As it is, being repeatedly stabbed with needles isn't particularly high on my "shit I want to do" list.
I don't know what's happening about this house move. Really. I'm as confused as can be. One person can't seem to decide what they want, I know nothing of the other and there's an outside fellow I know nothing about. I think I'm just going to get a place of my own through a housing association. I can't be bothered with waiting on others the whole time.
I don't know what's happening about this summer. If anything at all. The possibility of nothing is really quite sickening to think about, though I fear that is becoming an increasing possibility. G'ak.
I do know, however, that I should be in bed right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|07:02 pm] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Emery Reel :: Divided We Stand | ] |
Nothing much has been going on recently, I guess I should be looking into a place but I haven't the energy. Going to get stabbed with needles early next week, blood tests aplenty coming up. Suspected glandular fever, but I think it's just precautionary. Sort-of hoping they find something though, as the next battery of testing in their repetoire is rather more troublesome.
Good music: Constants.
Weird music: Celestial Season's cover of Vienna |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|01:03 pm] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  mostly okay | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Daylight Dies :: Lies That Bind | ] |
So. In the space of a week, I've gone from an imminent house-move with two others to having to look for a place by myself. It'd be shrewd to assume that I can't afford to split only two ways, given that my benefits'll take a battering should I move in with people who're in work. I'm still going to check that out at the couincil offices, for the sake of the remaining house-move partner. It's not promising, though. Anyways. It might work out better to have a place of my own, I'm hardly the most sociable of characters.
Many inter-friend issues at present, I'm caught in the crossfire again.
-digs a trench- |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|12:36 am] |
| [ | Feeling |
| | argh | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Strapping Young Lad :: Aftermath | ] |
Give us a reason for wanting a war; fighting for Jesus through prices of oil...
Everything's up in the air at present. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|04:01 pm] |
| [ | Feeling |
| | ungh | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Code :: A Cloud Formed Teardrop Asylum | ] |
Mm, feel those neuroses.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|03:51 pm] |
| [ | Feeling |
| | fine | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Painbastard :: Eternity | ] |
Ahoy'hoy.
It's been over two months now, hurrah! Needless to say it's something that I'm happy about.
House-move is stumbling along; I think I've found a place with potential that we shall be viewing on Tuesday.
-strokes chin-
Bought a slew of books in the past month or so:
Iain M. Banks - The Algebraist
Iain M. Banks - The Player Of Games
Christopher Brookmyre - By My Enemy
Yann Martel - Life Of Pi
China Miéville - King Rat
China Miéville - Iron Council
Alastair Reynolds - Revelation Space
Alastair Reynolds - Absolution Gap
Jeff Vandermeer - Veniss Underground
Jeff Vandermeer - City Of Saints & Madmen
Some would say I went a little overboard, but I'm halfway through the pile already.
I think that's it, for now.
-waves- |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|09:26 pm] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  neglected/drained | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Ram-Zet :: The Fall | ] |
No updates for a month. My word. Apologies to those who sustain any sort of interest.
Most of the month has been taken up with looking for somewhere to live. Because I'm a DSS reprobate in the minds of the estate agents and landlords, it's proving difficult finding a place that isn't part of a burnt-out slum to call home.
I order you to read the Iron Council by China Miéville. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|10:39 am] |
| [ | Feeling |
| | worried, but alright | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | ...And Oceans - Tears Have No Name | ] |
So Winter begins.
I haven't felt at peace for a long time, but I'm pretty close just now. More on that later, perhaps.
Been up since 20:30 or so yesterday. Attended an all-night screening at the cinema, a horror fest' of epic proport. I think it lasted seven and a half hours or so. It was alright. I didn't really feel like going but it was probably good for me, I hadn't been anywhere with Alan for a long while and I also hadn't been out the house for quite some time either. I'm not big on horror films generally but it was a decent laugh.
You're meant to laugh at horror films, right?
-
Fear Factory gig next April. I'm there, as I'll actually have other people to go with. Shock horror! There's a Prodigy gig in November that I might attend for the same reason, but I need to read up on that first. I'm not at all keen on their latest album so I'll be giving it a miss if that's all they're going to play.
Haven't been to a gig since Oceansize. -twitches-
Which, as is well-documented, could have went better. I don't know. I don't really think of affairs much now (and when I do it's in acceptance) but whenever I see someone somewhere that looks a little like her I go to pieces a little. It's only to be expected, I guess.
But it's all over with, I wouldn't want to return to that. Especially not now.
-
Currently selling old junk on eBay. And buying trousers, I won a pair yesterday so I should be receiving those before the end of the week. Let's see by what length these ones'll be too short by.
Is omeone willing to make me some pairs of baggy trousers? Hah.
-
I was going to do something productive today but I'm too tired now. Guess I'll write an e-mail instead. Maybe update some websites a little, though each time I say I'm going to do that I don't. Stalling is fun. :-D |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2005|11:00 pm] |
| [ | Feeling |
| | mostly okay | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Blur :: Sing | ] |
Let's have another go at this, then...
Currently listening to Blur's Leisure album; chose it on the spur of the moment, I had forgotten how much I liked it. I like it when that happens, and I guess that's as good an indicator of my mood as you're going to get. 'mon the early 1990's Brit-rock.
At the time of writing I'm feeling reasonably content; while there are small issues that need to be tended to (and down-times to deal with) I think I'm getting along alright. It's been over half a year, but I think I can say that I'm thinking ahead more often than not now. Which is quite a startling revelation. The fact there's a fair bit to look forward to in the near future is helping, most notably the inevitable house-move and what'll spring from that.
Knowing that there's someone, somewhere who is bothered about you helps a lot, too. It feels good to be loved, people. Even when your psychoses fight you at every turn, it's something to hang on to. Even the bad times aren't so bleak just now.
-
So, after the hassle I went through to get an appointment at the hospital, it turns out to have been a total waste of time. The doctor doesn't know what's going on, and I was perscribed strong anti-depressants under the pretence of them being painkillers. It's just as well I'm a suspicious bastard and checked them out. I've reacted badly to these before, so there's one reason why I won't be taking them. Secondly is that I was lied to by my doctor. How dare they try to medicate my mind, and have the audacity to do so without even telling me!
-
Just finished China Miéville's Perdido Street Station, pretty damn good. If you can take a bit of gritty, hard-hitting science-fiction/fantasy with generous doses of socio-political commentary, then I recommend it heartily. I've just ordered two more of his books from Amazon, given that I haven't been out the house for a long while. I normally don't like shopping online (read: I like it even less) but yeah, the chances of me getting out in the near future are slim.
-
Fingerless gloves!
Ohh yeah,
I AM THE HOBO MASTER!
-
I haven't procured any new music in a short while now; my computer doesn't run properly when I have SoulSeek open, which is infuriating. Guess I should look into getting some more RAM before long. Preliminary research has indicated that this will cost me somewhere in the region of £100 though, most grumblesome.
I think that's all, for now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2005|06:52 am] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | Blur :: Sing | ] |
I had written a long and in-depth entry, but Mozilla crashed as I hit the "Update Journal" button.
I'l try again later, but it just won't be the same. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2005|02:16 am] |
| [ | Feeling |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | Hearing |
| | My Vitriol :: Under The Wheels | ] |
It's been a week now and I still haven't heard back from the hospital. Maybe I was left out of the loop, but to my knowlege "We'll contact you as soon as possible" does not equate to "We'll get back to you when we can be bothered. Or maybe we won't". I guess I should contact them again tomorrow, but I really don't relish telephone conversations, in particular those ones where I'm meant to be angry at whomever is on the receiving end.
In the meantime I'm almost crippled with the pain. 'killers don't work, anti-inflammatories don't work and make me ill, I just have to sit it out. As usual. :-D
Anyway.
I'll know what's happening with this house move by November 14th or so, apparently. Here's hoping.
Before today I had been up for twenty-four hours. I had gotten up at 10:00 on Saturday; went into Newcastle and then on to a friends' house to have a guitar session for the band, then returned home. Cue a big news moment, which sent my head (and heart) racing. I guess the adrenaline kept me going ito the early hours, at which point it was displaced by despair, confusion and finally everything mixed up at the same time. I didn't get to sleep 'til around 10:30 on Sunday. Arose at 22:00 this evening, thus completely inverting my sleeping pattern in the course of two days. Impressive!
Prior to this fuckery I had been keeping a fairly stable pattern for several weeks: 01:00 to 07:30 or thereabouts. During this time I had mostly been getting on with website design, the fruits of which can be seen on the Arctoa site. It's not complete but it's workable. I should've been taking photographs aswell but I haven't really been out of the house.
It's been a strange and intense few days.
Recent music has mostly been Mogwai, Passenger, October Tide and A Perfect Circle. I know this 'cause I haven't gotten round to putting any of the CD cases back into the Tower yet.
Business to attend this week:
> Write a letter
> Contact hospital again
> Attend appointment at local Council offices
I think that's all. (^) |
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